Step 9 AA — Making Amends and What It Actually Means

Step 9 of Alcoholics Anonymous asks us to make direct amends to people we have harmed wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. For many people, Step 9 is the most feared step. It's also the one that delivers the most freedom.

Amends vs. Apology

An amend is not an apology. An apology is words. An amend is action. It's going to the person, acknowledging what you did, and asking what you can do to make it right. Sometimes the amend is financial. Sometimes it's a changed behavior. Sometimes it's simply speaking the truth out loud to someone you lied to. The form depends on the harm.

The Exception Clause

'Except when to do so would injure them or others' is important. Some amends should not be made directly. Telling a spouse about an affair to relieve your guilt while causing them pain is not a Step 9 amend — it's self-indulgence. Your sponsor helps you navigate these situations. This is why sponsorship matters.

The Promises follow Step 9 in the Big Book for a reason — they describe what happens after you do this work. Read them in context in AABlueBook. Free year on iOS: bit.ly/aabfree.